How to Overcome Challenges and Find Support as a Caregiver for Aging Parents When Your Family is Absent
- Jason Zuk
- Feb 2
- 9 min read
Written by Jason Zuk, The Social Psychic*
On February 14, 2024, I decided to surprise my mom with a visit because I sensed something was wrong since she hadn't been answering my calls. Upon arriving at her place, the maintenance person informed me that my mom had fallen and broken her arm in the building's entryway and had been taken to the local ER for observation. At the ER, I found out that my mom needed emergency surgery to have a rod placed in her left arm. I reached out to my family, only to realize I was handling this situation entirely on my own after my family ghosted me.
My mom stayed in the hospital on and off for nearly a month due to her arm injury and recovery. At that point, I realized my life was about to change significantly as I took on the role of my mom’s caregiver, aiding her recovery. As a result, I moved her from her apartment to my home while she received medical care. The rest of 2024 has been a blur as I managed her health insurance, Medicare, various doctors, and her medications, while doing my best to assist her as needed.
As our parents grow older, we often find ourselves taking on unfamiliar roles. The challenges they encounter can be overwhelming for both them and us as caregivers. Navigating a system that sometimes seems indifferent to the unique needs of elderly individuals can be incredibly frustrating. This post offers practical tips to help you advocate for your aging parent, ensuring they receive the care and support they truly deserve.
Understanding the Challenges of Aging
Aging can be a complex journey filled with physical, emotional, and cognitive changes. For instance, about 80% of older adults have at least one chronic condition, such as arthritis or heart disease, which can limit their ability to maintain independence. Memory loss is another major concern, affecting nearly 50% of seniors over 85.
Recognizing these changes is vital. It's not just about managing daily inconveniences; these challenges can significantly alter an elderly person's quality of life. Therefore, as a caregiver, it’s essential to educate yourself about these issues so you can provide informed support and advocate effectively for your parent.
Know Your Parent's Needs
Understanding your parent's specific needs, desires, and lifestyle preferences is the first step towards effective advocacy. Engage in open discussions about what kind of support they may require. For example, if they struggle with getting groceries, they may appreciate help with shopping or using delivery services.
Documenting these needs not only gives you clarity but also serves as a reference point when discussing care options with healthcare professionals or family members.
Navigating the Healthcare System
Healthcare systems can often resemble a complex maze, especially for elderly individuals. Navigating from selecting the right primary doctor to managing multiple specialists and medical insurance can be overwhelming and frustrating for both the elderly parent and the caregiver. In 2024, my mom was hospitalized at least five different times, allowing me to witness firsthand how hospitals can neglect their patients and highlighting the importance of following up with your elderly parent after any medical consultation. Last year, I had to complain to the Head ER Nurse after a nurse told my mom she should die and refused to help her until she was quiet. After my complaint, I learned that this nurse was terminated, but the experience deeply shook my confidence in our current healthcare system.
About a month later, during another ER visit to a local hospital in Tampa, I had to discharge my mom after finding her on a gurney in a back hallway of the ER, alongside at least 20 other elderly patients in an area she called "the Dungeon" due to its poor lighting, inadequate ventilation, and lack of entertainment (no TV or bathroom) during her day-and-a-half stay. When we asked why my mom and other patients were placed in such a dimly-lit hallway, we were informed that the hospital needed to be at "full capacity" to maintain COVID-level funding. It seems like hospitals are more focused on prioritizing funding and winning awards over caring for its elderly patients, which is very disheartening.
Being proactive in questioning is essential. For example, if your parent is prescribed a new medication, inquire about potential side effects and interactions with existing medications. If something seems unclear or concerns are dismissed, trust your instincts. It’s within your rights to seek a second opinion.
Building a Support Network
Advocacy doesn't have to be an individual endeavor. Build a strong support network that includes family, friends, healthcare professionals, and community resources. Local caregiver support groups provide valuable insights and emotional support. For instance, organizations like AARP offer resources and connections to other caregivers, alleviating the burden.
In my experience, when my immediate family abandoned me during a very challenging period, I relied on my "chosen" family for support and guidance. I define one's "chosen" family as those close friends and others who fill the void when your family decides to disappear and avoid responsibility for their actions.
Collaborating with others strengthens your advocacy efforts, making it easier to effectively manage your parent's care.
Planning for Emergencies
Preparing for emergencies is critical. Whether health-related or environmental, having a plan is essential.
Create a list of important contacts, including your parent's doctors and nearby family members. Ensure easy access to vital medical information, like medication lists and records of chronic conditions. Having this information on hand can save precious time during an emergency.
Emphasizing Emotional Well-being
Don’t forget the emotional aspects of caregiving. Aging can often lead to feelings of loneliness and depression among seniors, which can significantly impact their overall well-being. As individuals grow older, they may experience a range of emotional challenges, including the loss of friends and loved ones, diminishing physical abilities, and a sense of disconnect from the world around them. Your role as a caregiver isn't just about managing daily tasks and logistics; it's also profoundly about providing companionship, emotional support, and a sense of belonging that can greatly enhance their quality of life.
Encourage social interactions by actively inviting them to participate in community activities, whether it's a local senior center event, a class, or a gathering that aligns with their interests. These interactions can be vital in combating feelings of isolation. Additionally, spending quality time together, whether through shared hobbies or simple conversations, fosters deeper connections and provides emotional nourishment.
Research shows that seniors who engage socially have a 30% lower risk of mortality compared to those who are more isolated, highlighting the critical importance of socialization in promoting longevity and health. Simple activities, such as playing cards, engaging in board games, or watching movies together, can create cherished moments and meaningful interactions that can make a significant difference in their emotional health and happiness.
These shared experiences not only improve their mood but also strengthen the connection between caregiver and senior, fostering a supportive atmosphere where both feel appreciated and understood. I treasure the mornings spent with my mom, enjoying coffee together, as these moments have created enduring memories. Think about including your mom in your daily life by sharing everyday events with her.
Understanding Legal and Financial Matters
Navigating legal and financial issues can seem daunting but is essential for protecting your parent’s interests. Powers of attorney, living wills, and other legal documents should be established to ensure their preferences are respected.
Consulting with an elder law attorney can clarify estate planning, guardianship, and asset protection. Additionally, familiarize yourself with benefits like Medicare and Medicaid, which may help cover essential costs related to aging.
Communicating with Professionals
Clear communication with professionals such as doctors, nurses, and social workers is absolutely crucial when advocating for your parent's health and well-being. It is essential to come prepared with specific and detailed information regarding your parent's situation, which should include comprehensive medical histories, current treatments, medication lists, and any relevant test results or diagnoses. This preparation not only demonstrates your commitment to your parent's care but also allows healthcare providers to make informed decisions based on the most accurate and up-to-date information available. Additionally, it is beneficial to outline any concerns or questions you may have prior to the appointment, ensuring that all important topics are covered during the discussion.
Furthermore, it is important to be assertive in these discussions. Assertiveness does not mean being aggressive; rather, it involves confidently expressing your thoughts, concerns, and preferences while also respecting the expertise of the professionals involved.
By maintaining a firm yet respectful demeanor, you can help ensure that your parent's voice and needs are prioritized in their care plan. This approach fosters a collaborative relationship with the healthcare team, encouraging them to consider your insights and observations as valuable contributions to your parent's overall treatment strategy. Remember, being an advocate for your parent means being proactive and engaged in their healthcare journey, ensuring that their best interests are always at the forefront of discussions.
Finding Resources in Your Community
Many communities across the country actively offer a wide array of resources specifically designed to engage and support elderly individuals and their caregivers. These resources are crucial in fostering a sense of belonging and ensuring that seniors can maintain their independence while receiving the necessary assistance.
It is essential to investigate local services that cater to the unique needs of the elderly population, such as meal delivery programs that provide nutritious meals directly to their homes, transportation services that facilitate mobility and access to essential appointments or social gatherings, and senior centers that serve as community hubs for activities, classes, and social interaction.
Utilizing these community options can significantly reduce the caregiving burden, allowing caregivers to find balance in their lives while ensuring that their loved ones receive the care and engagement they deserve. By participating in community activities, elderly individuals can enhance their opportunities for social interaction, which is vital for mental and emotional well-being.
Regular engagement with peers not only combats feelings of loneliness and isolation but also stimulates cognitive function and encourages physical activity, both of which are crucial for maintaining overall health. Therefore, exploring and taking advantage of these resources can lead to a marked improvement in your parent's quality of life, offering them a richer, more fulfilling daily experience.
Advocating for Change
Supporting an aging parent in a system that often overlooks their needs can be challenging, but you are not alone. It requires understanding your parent's unique needs, navigating healthcare, and leveraging community resources.
Importantly, remember that caregiving is not about sacrificing yourself. Prioritize your well-being and seek support networks. By building strong connections and approaching the system with knowledge and confidence, you can ensure that your aging parent receives the care and respect they deserve.
Your advocacy can make a significant impact. Together, we can work towards a system that values and respects our elderly population.
In Sum
On Valentine's Day 2024, I visited my mom unexpectedly, sensing something was wrong since she wasn't answering my calls. I learned she had fallen and broken her arm, necessitating emergency surgery. This incident marked the beginning of my new role as her caregiver, managing her healthcare and daily needs without family support.
This journey highlights the challenges of caregiving for aging parents, emphasizing the importance of understanding their unique needs and navigating a complex healthcare system. Building a support network, planning for emergencies, and prioritizing emotional well-being are crucial steps. It's vital to engage with community resources and ensure clear communication with healthcare professionals.
Legal and financial planning also plays a key role in safeguarding their interests. Ultimately, advocating for our aging parents requires knowledge, confidence, and a commitment to ensuring they receive the care and respect they deserve while maintaining our own well-being.
Every day is a gift, so value each moment spent with your elderly parent and build lasting memories that will remain unforgettable.
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With Gratitude! Jason Zuk
*Jason Ciofalo, also known as Jason Zuk, is an AV-Rated Attorney licensed in Florida, Mississippi, Alabama, Texas, and New Jersey. Based in Tampa, Florida, Jason has nearly 20 years of experience as a Psychic Medium and has been working professionally in this field for seven years. He assists individuals in overcoming obstacles and challenges to achieve personal clarity. Jason is the Producer and Host of "The Social Psychic Radio Show," a podcast that has won seven awards and ranks in the Top 2% of all podcasts globally. Additionally, he is the Producer and Co-Host, alongside Megan Kane, of "Psychic Visions Podcast," which is affiliated with ElectraCast Media. Jason earned his Bachelor of Arts from the University of Tampa, a Juris Doctorate from Nova Southeastern University, and an LL.M. (Master of Law) in International & Comparative Law from Georgetown University.
